101 rule for being Russian

Описание

Its ''few rules about True RuZzians!! Neskolno Pravil Kak Byt' TRU RUSSIAN . Vodka. That’s right. Vodka. 2. Have a flash mp3 player. Preferably iRiver. iPod mini works too. 3. Make sure that said flash mp3 player contains nothing but Eminem, Metallica and techno. Lots and lots of techno. 4. Either that, or you must LOVE Queensryche and/or Dream Theater. 5. Wear Armani Exchange. This is non-negotiable. 6. Or FCUK. 7. Or DKNY. Actually, anything that you don’t actually know the abbreviation of. 8. When talking to Russian friends, make sure to speak mostly English but then add random Russian words into the middle of your sentences. 9. Something like “Can you pass the kartoshka?��? will do. 10. Relatives: Inverse of rules 8 and 9. “Ti mozhesh mne padat the potatoes?��?. 11. Have a Whimit. 12. Actually use Whimit to find dates. 13. Are you drunk yet? 14. To the hookah bar! 15. Hair. Gel. 16. Or Jew-Fro. 17. Drive a Nissan Maxima. 18. Drunk. 19. Get speeding tickets while sober. 20. Make sure all of your friends know what “Yob tvayu mat��? means. 21. Slap them every time they say “babushka��? just because they know the word. 22. Cigarettes. 23. Make sure your car reeks of tobacco at any given moment. 24. If you are over 12 and have not started drinking yet, SHAME! 25. Get a new cellphone at least once every 6 months 26. Once every 3 months if possible. 27. As for shoes, always wear Diesels. 28. Never spend more than $50 on sneakers. 29. Never spend less than $50 on any other article of clothing. 30. Make sure that EVERYONE knows whether or not you are Jewish. 31. Seriously, are you drunk yet? 32. Use the word “nigga��?. A lot. 33. Have at least 2 Asian “homework-sources��?. 34. Have a $50 bottle of cologne with you at any moment. 35. If you are at all Italian, make sure that everyone knows. 36. Own a Playstation 2. 37. Only play GTA: San Andreas. 38. Buy a $2000 computer to use only as a fancy typewriter or to run CS. 39. Bonus Points if it’s an Alienware. 40. If you have ever tried marijuana, make sure that every one of your buddy icons, profile pics, etc… depict the pot-leaf for at least 3 months. 41. Always drink at any gathering of any kind. 42. Have at least one stack of bootleg DVDs lying somewhere around your house. 43. Never buy anything costing more than $1000 from a non-Russian. 44. That way you get a better deal on it. 45. Have at least one close relative that’s a doctor. 46. Hate Stuy kids. 47. If you are female, make sure to wear pajama pants at any time outside of school. 48. Never have a good supply of printer ink or writing utensils. 49. Make sure your job somehow involves computer programming, unless you are in medicine. 50. Yell. Even if you're having a quiet conversation, talk as loudly as possible. 51. Like Putin. 52. Don’t be Putin. 53. Make sure there is at least one “CCCP��? shirt in your wardrobe. Doesn’t matter if you don’t know what it means. 54. Manuals are for sissies. 55. Skin. 56. Tight. 57. Jeans. God that’s gotta fuck with the sperm. 58. Slack off in school and barely pass as many classes as possible. 59. It’s ok if you do well in Bio. 60. You can pass math too. 61. Have Seinfeld on DVD. 62. Legally. 63. This is twice as important if you are in any way Jewish. 64. Have an overly tight Beatles t-shirt. 65. Pretend to be cultured while never actually having visited a museum. 66. Never read books outside of assigned reading. 67. Hell, don’t even read assigned books 68. Don’t be Polish. 69. If you are Ukrainian, make sure to specify that at every given opportunity. 70. Vodka. 71. Giant bag of potatoes. 72. Borsht. 73. Whenever you cross any border, make sure to stop by the duty free and buy as many bottles of cheap liquor